Growing up in a rural area in the midwestern U.S. in the 1960s my core concept of Thanksgiving is all about watching TV and eating (and football I suppose but I never liked football.) and the opening of deer season.
I moved out on my ex for the first time on a Thanksgiving Day and remember having a phone conversation with my mother that day in which I received absolutely no support - no direct criticism ei- but no support. That was the year I needed like $15 more to get a bus ticket home for Christmas (it was only an hour and a half drive away) and when I told my Mom that she said something to the effect that it was too bad I wouldn't be able to get home for the holidays. The thought that I should call one of my brothers who probably would have come and picked me up (or given me the bus fare) never even went through my head. All communications went through our mother. I now realize I was taught to never question or contradict anything she said. In spite of that,I still miss her on days especially on days like today.
When I was little Mom and I always watched the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade in the morning while we (she) finished cooking up a storm and the final Thanksgiving preparations were made. My dad and brothers would always have gone hunting in the morning as that is when "deer season" began. There was always a ton of food, my eldest brother and wife were always late. They were always late because my Mom and Dad (I'm not sure which one) believed that dinner (not lunch) is served at noon. End of discussion. Mom said it was because Dad wanted dinner at noon, but so many things I was told were because of my father were not, I now wonder if Mom somehow wanted to short herself on time in the morning and preparations because that somehow elevated her score in the imaginary games my family played but never admitted to playing and in many cases probably didn't even know they were playing.
There were babies or toddlers to coo over and with whom I'd play -- the eldest of my brothers was only a couple months shy of being 18 years older than me so I began to have nieces and nephews when I was six years old. When I think of family members at their happiest, I see them at one of these gatherings. The Holidays have become very poignant. We sold Mom's house this year. It was just a little over a year after she died that we found a buyer. For a farm family to no longer have a farm to call home is sort of traumatizing. I live 1892 miles (I've driven it and that is what the odometer says) from where I grew up. Mom and Dad are both gone and two of my four brothers have passed away from cancer.
My father died on Christmas day twenty-two years ago. I won't even go into those stories. The me of those days before I really understood mortality is only a memory.
Two days ago I spent day in the E.R. I had the stomach flu last week and the stomach pain wouldn't go away. I tried to get into see my regular Dr. but the triage nurse told me I needed to go to the E.R. I had tests of all sorts and was told that everything looked good and basically within normal parameters except that my sugar levels were a bit high. So I guess that was the good news. Then they said, "but....your liver enzyme levels are elevated. We can't say what is going on but you need to have your own physician follow up with more tests to find out what is going on." I didn't tell the Drs in the E.R. that I have a very good idea of what is going on. I didn't want to spend a night in the hospital so I didn't tell them. One of my deceased brothers had been diagnosed a couple decades ago with hemochromatosis. Odds are very very high that is what I have too. It is a genetic disease that "runs" in families, i.e. it is hereditary hemochromatosis. Too much iron is absorbed from and this damages the liver, heart and pancreas which then in turn harms other organs. The treatment is to have blood drawn to dilute the iron levels.
A week from today I will ask my physician to first run the diagnostic tests for hemochromotosis and rule it out before proceeding on to other tests. I have a very strong feeling that she won't be able to rule it out. After being told that it wasn't my stomach but rather my liver that was showing some problems, I realized that the pain and soreness is where my liver probably is, not my stomach. One of the apparent clues I should have keyed in on is that the ache and sharp jabs of pain I feel is in the back as well as the stomach. I have about half of the various symptoms that can point to this blood disease.
If preventative medicine was practiced in this country I would have already been screened for the condition.
* Joint disease
* Severe fatigue
* Heart disease
* Elevated liver enzymes
* Impotence
* Diabetes
-- from the May Clinic site
Of course if this country also practiced preventative medicine my brother might still be alive as his cancer recurrence would have been detected early enough to have surgically removed the slow to metastasize cancer before it metastasized as had been done three times before. After he retired his "health care" (and I use that term loosely) would no longer pay for recurrent diagnostic tests.
I'm not sure I like the holidays. If I were superstitious I really wouldn't like them. Bad news seems to cluster around the winter months.
So my challenge now is to find a positive take on all this. I'm working on it.
- Better that I find out now than later is the main thing I think.
- I can focus on my family and get my daughter tested early for this hereditary problem before she is harmed at all.
Helping my daughter be healthy for her whole life is the big thing. That is a silver lining if I ever saw one, and I've peeked inside a lot of dark clouds.
I don't know why I'm focusing on this so much. It may not be hemochromatosis. I guess it somehow brings me close to my brother who has been gone for almost four years ago. I miss him so much. I've found out that he did things I never would have thought he could have done, but then we all have things in our past which taken out of context could seem very questionable I suppose.
So wish me luck and check back -- I will undoubtedly be talking about it as my dear sweet husband is a bit of a dunce when it comes to empathy and listening skills.
